Unfortunately, my own family and I were estranged during this time. The last time I remember talking to my father on the phone, his words ringing through me like I was just struck by a gong, that he was not interested in speaking to me for a while, whatever that meant. I understand him being upset, after all he did invest in me, my schooling and career, however what I didn't understand was why he wouldn't work with me so I could stay in honour with him and work out ways to properly address repaying him and at least assisting him and the family in some way. To banish me? That seemed ridiculous as my father and I had always been close, or so I thought. My mother and I, on the other hand, always had tension and challenges and I did not want my world to reflect that stress. She resisted my help and denied her anger, addictions and lack of affection. I love her enough not to enable that so I had to walk away. Maybe some people expect daughters to put up with the dysfunctional family 'unit', but what I had learned as a healer was that tough love sometimes must be applied to allow the 'healing crisis' to occur. It's one of the fundamentals of Vitalism. I was always the mediator, the one who placated, the scape goat, the go between. Well now I couldn't do this role, this time it was actually about me, I was the one needing true support, and my family? They just weren't there for me.
After I had the miscarriage, Jason and I moved from the loft to a house near Avenue and Lawrence in Toronto so I could be within bicycle distance to my new place of work, Smith's Pharmacy. This was the house we conceived in. Due to the 'take down' at King Summit, the 6000 square foot custom home my ex and I were renting-to-own in King City, I was unable to practice as a naturopathic doctor, something that took me 8 years of hard work to attain (because one needs an undergrad degree, ideally in science, to qualify for the program). So here I was with a Bachelor of Science in Agricultural Biotechnology, an ND diploma, and a plethora of other certificates and training including extra homeopathy credits, Usui Reiki, Angelic Reiki, and other energy healing modalities, now working as a clerk, pregnant, stocking shelves for minimum wage. Humbling to say the least. At least I could help clients on the floor with their health concerns and keep my knowledge base fresh and active.
For the first time since the chaos, I felt almost good again, hopeful, I was able to earn even though we were still struggling financially as Jason was on and off of work as a welder and our rent and overhead was quite high. We were the working poor, essentially, but there were some happy times, interspersed with the hard times.
What mattered to me is that I was eating well, mainly raw, lots of organic foods and sprouting. Strange for me were the meat cravings and so I ate quite a bit. I recalled a former colleague and "frenemy" (someone who pretends to be your friend while secretly plotting something nasty) who had a ghastly and horrific birth story. She was a long-time vegan and she developed severe pre-eclampsia. She told me when her placenta was born it virtually crumbled in the doctor's hands. After that story I did some research and learned that pre-ecplampsia can be prevented via ample levels of amino acids aka protein in the diet. I ate plenty of it. One of the most helpful books I read during this time was "Real Food for Mother and Baby" by Nina Planck. It made much sense to me and was welcome direction on the topic of healthy food for my growing bump.
I was also supplementing. I was taking my DHA for the baby's brain by Ascenta, my B12 and folic acid supplement from Kirkman and a good multivitamin. I was also taking MSM for good connective tissue development, calcium and magnesium at bedtime, my enzymes and a probiotic. I was exercising on my bicycle every day and I was planning, dreaming and knowing a big shift was on it's way. Little did I know how big that shift would really be.
No comments:
Post a Comment